How was Barcelona?

Goodbyes.

Hellos.

Here I sit

In Iowa Park, Texas

Thousands of miles away from Barcelona, Spain

In a completely different world if I stop to think about it long enough.

I know that world still exists.

I know people are still walking around the city as the metro travels underneath them.

There are people laughing and kids playing.

Cars are driving around while bikes weave in and out. The city of Barcelona is still happening even if I'm not there to witness it.

Yet I feel as though something has died.

A part of me?

A life?

A world entirely of itself?

I’m not entirely sure.

Memories keep coming back to me.

There I sat...

There I walked...

There’s that building I always saw...

There I am laughing with all my friends….

I find myself wanting to go back there, but where is that place?

Sure the location is there

but the people...

the people I want to see

they are no longer there.

They are now back home

or still abroad

with their families

or with more friends.

We no longer have the life we had.

That life is gone.

But how?

All those memories were once speculatory thoughts.

Now they’re gone, no longer here.

They’ve gone somewhere that I can no longer go.

They exist in a realm entirely of themselves.

Outside the confines of time

Lost in the eternity of a life lived

Lived...

a life lived

The use of the past tense connotates a past life

Something once here and now no longer.

How was Barcelona?

Oh it was…

I saw…

and met…

I learned…

I ate…

Barcelona was…

People mean well when they ask this question.

I mean well when I attempt to answer it.

Yet, that question forces a rush of memories and experiences which require words to communicate them but the words needed always seem to lose themselves as they try to make sense of themselves.

Like that sentence just did.

Did you read it and make sense of it?

Or did you simply understand the words that needed to be understood?

I can use a variety of adjectives to describe Barcelona and tell a quick antidote to prove that it was different than spending another semester in the States.

But does that capture the essence of the question?

The question “How was Barcelona” seems to emphasize the idea that Barcelona was something at one point and now it’s not, therefore requiring a description of itself in order to understand what it was.

But that’s just the thing, Barcelona still is.

It still is the majestic city that we all fell in love with.

It still is that trendy Spanish destination that speaks Catalan because Castilian is too mainstream.

Barcelona continues to be a beautiful place full of beautiful people even though our time there no longer exists.

So I guess the question “How was Barcelona” really connotates “How was Barcelona from your point of view?”

Or in other words, “Tell me about your experience in Barcelona.”

That question seems even more daunting.

How am I supposed to encapsulate my experience of Barcelona in a quick, polite conversation?

How am I supposed to answer that question honestly?

Again, I’m left confused as my thoughts and emotions are forced into words in order to communicate them in understandable sentences.

But that seems to require me to first understand my own thoughts and emotions before translating them into words. And sometimes, I simply want to have my thoughts and emotions without feeling the need to place them within the confines of words. Sometimes it’s better to have and hold rather than give and say.

I’ve been trying to do that all semester, at every opportunity I had.

This blog served as a way to share with you my thoughts, allowing the title to serve as a disclaimer before divulging further.

My journal served as a way to communicate with myself what was going on in my life, not as a finished product, but as an ongoing process.

My conversations with friends served as a way to figure out that we were all going through similar things and we didn’t have to be alone while going through them.

Yet to be heard and understood still seems impossible as I’m left here with the reality that my life in Barcelona is over.

Gone.

Never to return.

In a world all its own, inaccessible by plane.

In a realm all its own, inaccessible by time.

Only memories now exist of my life in Barcelona and that thought haunts me as I sit in my living room, surrounded by my mom’s comforting Christmas decorations, trying to comprehend the fact that I’m finally home after all this time abroad.

The last time I sat here, I was planning out everything I would do in Spain.

Now I sit here and try to describe what happened while I was in Spain.

Questions rush to me as I try to reflect on how I actually spent my time in Spain.

If you could do it all over again, would you change anything? Would you have the same conversations with the same people? Gone to the same places? Tried the same things? Do you regret anything? Do you wish anything would have gone differently? Would you have changed anything? If you could go back and speak to yourself as you were getting on that plane headed for Barcelona, would you tell yourself anything? Any advice? Or words of wisdom? Or would you simply tell yourself how proud you are and that you are going to have an incredible time figuring everything out on your own?

Time passed.

I know it did.

Moments in time happened.

I experienced them.

Now what I once looked forward to was lived in a place that continues living though my life there no longer is.

The words become harder to find as I try to grasp the concept of time and the subjectivity of life.

Day 1.

Packing and planning for Barcelona

Day 2.

Barcelona

Day 3.

Unpacking and processing Barcelona

What is one day compared to four months when a moment feels like a lifetime?

Here today and gone tomorrow

Cliché after cliché

Replay after reply

Lessons learned and moments lived

Life is that which connects the hellos to the goodbyes and the goodbyes to the hellos, the beginnings and endings, ups and downs, valley depths and mountain tops.

Beauty is that which persists through life and time, subjective experiences and objective reality.

Yet, the question still remains,

How was Barcelona?

To which I reply, there is no one answer.

Barcelona is Barcelona.

I lived a life in Barcelona as Barcelona lived its life in me.

Barcelona is Beautiful and continues to be regardless of my experience of it.

Barcelona was full of friendships, adventures, challenges, and goodbyes, but really until our next hellos.

Barcelona was life changing because it changed my life.

And now, this is my life, that which is all around me and continues to connect that chapter to this next one.

More adventures are still to come just as more Life is still to be lived.

I still can’t grasp the reality of how quickly time comes and goes but that’s been a problem haunting humanity for longer than any one person had time to solve.

All I can say, is that I’m sure glad to be home with my family and I hope you feel the same way.

I love you all. Thank you for playing such an integral role during my time in Barcelona. Again, thank you for the good times and the better memories.

I can't wait to see where you'll go from here.

¡Bon Nadal i Bones Festes!