Thankfulness

It´s official
I´ve started playing Christmas music.
Pentatonix
Vince Guaraldi Trio
Rat Pack
Soon I´ll break out the Country Christmas albums but my heart can only take so much at one time.



Words are hard to find as I feel I have nothing to say.

Life has become the same ol, same ol

I walk around Barcelona likes it's home to me because to me, it is home.

This weekend I was in Madrid but nothing seemed odd about that.
Of course I found myself in a major European city because...because...

Because this life has become all too normal to me.

Words still escape me

I miss home
I miss my families and the feelings of warmth that only home can provide
I desire to be with my family this week for more reasons than one and for one reason in particular 

Yet here is where I find myself

Here home has provided me with new feelings of love which I greatly admire but I´ve recognized as temporary since I got here. 

What then is left to say when the temporality begins to show itself?

This life is soon to be over. This life is coming to an end.
Before I know it, I will take off from Barcelona and return to the place I´ve called home for all my life. Yet something isn´t right

I´ve made a life here
I´ve made my time here all my own
My friends are here
My memories are here
My thoughts are here just as much as they are there

What then happens when I leave? Does this life truly die? Surely not. Surely something persists through it all.

Lessons learned
Memories made
Friendships formed

All of it, all of it persists

But yet something doesn't, something remains here when I no longer do.

I have two different emotions competing for my attention

That of anticipation of what's to come and that of embrace of what is before me

I desire to stay here but only in the sense that I know I will miss this life tremendously.

I feel as though I am living as my future self looking back on this present time and realizing just how wonderful it is to live during this time of my life. Naturally, my future self tells me to miss this life, but yet here I am in Barcelona continuing to live this life. How then is it possible to miss what I already have? 
Surely there's a word for that.

It´s not so much two opposite feelings as much as it is two sides of the same coin.

I flip the coin to see if it will land heads or tails 

Yet I already know that it´s not the outcome that matters but rather the spinning of the coin itself that does.

Here I go round and round feeling myself nearing the end of this chapter. I fully expect the pages to keep turning as I land back in Texas but I still recognize how beautiful this chapter in my life is. 

I am still living this abnormal life although it has become all too normal to me.

Yet I am still longing for there home while embracing here home.

I feel myself nearing the end of this life and anticipating the beginning of a new one.

I feel incredibly blessed for all the people that have been praying for me at home just as I feel incredibly blessed by all the people I have lived with here at home.




Oh... That´s what it is...

Thankfulness. 

That´s the word I´ve been looking for. That´s the word that escaped me. Thankfulness.

I feel thankful. 
Thankful for my families, my friends, my teachers, my school, the Terry Foundation, and for the opportunities that are still to come.
Thankful for that which has been, is, and will be.
Thankful for this life and the life to come.